Fox News Feed

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Headlines 1-29-2008

Burglar steals crown from bishop's car
Bishop's dentist says he's working on replacement crown

Library Gets Book Back After 57 Years
Then promptly burns it because it mentions God's influence on the founding fathers

Clinton’s Campaign Sees Value in Keeping Former President in Attack Mode
They're determined to see Monica Lewinski's ex-boyfriend's wife as President

Cops: Ind. robber mistakenly shoots self in groin
Police warn when commiting robbery don't go off half-cocked

Producers reveal title of new James Bond
Sean Connery returns as Oldfinger

Miss America crowned at racier pageant
Contestants battled fiercely during new pole dancing competition

Three Pigs Story Judged Offensive to Muslims
In the Islamic version the wolf huffs and puffs and blows himself up.

Commentary: Issues -- not gender or race -- on minds of voters
Campaigns seek to avoid confusion on Clinton's gender and race

Producers reveal title of new James Bond
Roger Moore returns as Octogenarianpussy

Future Chefs Learn How to Cut Trans Fat
Use same carving technique to cut the cheese

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Sunday, January 06, 2008

Vaporizing Dave

Guess what Christmas gift I wanted but was never going to get came today? Give Up? Well lets get some help.

Hey Dave! Help me out here. Just stand right there. Let's see.. stare at object and then squint.

Whoa! Wow that is too cool!

Or should I say hot Dave? You're lookin' a little warm.

Theres a glow about you. I don't know.. Are you losing weight?

Ooh. Looks like I missed some of you. I guess I have to work on achieving total vaporization.

Darn I'm out of test subjects. And I'm not trading one of my Storm clad Halle Berry clones to resurrect you Dave. Your wife can use one of her Antonio Banderas clones.

Now who should I practice on next? Oh Scott...